The mental health conversation at work

When I am teaching the ensa mental health first aid program, sometimes I get a question that is very much natural. “Alessandra, how do I ask people who work with me, if I am their manager, about their mental health?” I know why this is still a tough one: there is still a distinction between acting as a supervisor/manager and being there as a person who asks another person how he or she is doing.

This distinction is also fed by the topic of confidentiality, and the will not to overstep into an area that might be painful. And yet, as managers, people might be tormented with the doubt that something feels off in that person. And by not asking, we will never know.

So this is the answer I give to the students in the course: “You just have to wear a hat with two sides: on one side you are a supervisor or a manager, and on the other side of the hat you are also a mental health first aider, and a person. Isn’t the person more important? Isn’t the wellbeing of the employee what you should have in your heart anyway?” If we think this way, we will be able to help and to start having a conversation.

As I always say, language is our best ally. The “I statements” are amazing because they relieve so much weight from a person’s shoulders. I teach them both in my coaching trainings for assertive communication and the mental health first aid courses as well: “I am worried about you. When I see you behaving in a certain way, or I see you different, I worry”; versus “You look like XYZ” or “You are XZY” which can sound accusing and can make the person go away.

You see, mental health conversations happen when there is trust. By using the “I statements” we build that trust, but we also build by improving our communication skills. How many times have we noticed that someone was not listening during a private conversation, or that the question “how are you really doing” came unfortunately at the end of a performance review?

The other part of the puzzle we should all look at is our own fear of speaking up about the topic of mental health. So the dialogue is a two-way street: companies need to open the dialogue and be ready for what comes, be patient if people are not ready, and get the right help to put together an awareness program on wellbeing: but the people who are part of the organization need to confront their own potential taboo about speaking around mental health too.

The ensa courses provide a solution to that. Not only you learn the right language to use in these situations, but you also improve your listening skills and challenge your own beliefs. You learn about the concept of recovery and hope: yes, we can recover from a mental illness. Yes, there are apparently more people suffering from anxiety now, but we can do something about it.

It is possible to be a manager and a mental health first aider and respect confidentiality and professionalism. Yes, an employee can recover from burnout and come back. Yes, we can have a talk to the team on how to embrace with open arms the person where he/she comes back. Yes, we can address those conversations that seem uncomfortable but they are so liberating when they are held.

Stigma and taboo have characterized the mental health conversation for too long, and more and more people are coming forward and have said “I was not doing well, and I did not talk about it”.

Also, studies done in Australia, where the program first started, Some studies have showen improved mental health in those who attend the training, decreases in stigmatising attitudes and increases in the amount and type of support provided to others.

I am very proud to be part of this change and teach mental health first aid programs.